


Someone Doesn't Like Us (LOL)

by traitorhero



Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Gen, kinkmeme fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-03
Updated: 2013-01-03
Packaged: 2017-11-23 13:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/622513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traitorhero/pseuds/traitorhero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Desmond survived as a computer program... the casual trolling of Juno begins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someone Doesn't Like Us (LOL)

It had not been a good month. On the top of the list, Desmond was dead. Second, Desmond would not stop bugging them.  
  
 _Are you mad at me?_  
  
The words flashed on his screen. They had been for about a minute now. Shaun sighed, pushing his glasses up to rub his eyes. It shouldn’t be possible for the words to flash over the dissertation on the French Revolution he was reading, but apparently that didn’t stop Desmond from doing it.  
  
 **Come on Shaun,**  the text said, flashing red.  **It wasn’t that bad.**  
  
“Bill, would you please tell your son to stop bothering me?” Shaun asked. Bill looked up from his computer and raised an eyebrow. Rebecca smirked from where she sat in the guts of the Animus.  
  
“He’s trying to apologize,” she said. “Give him a break.”  
  
“I refuse to talk to him through a computer screen,” Shaun told her. “He can come and apologize to me if he really means it.”  
  
“Okay,” Desmond said, appearing behind him. Shaun tried to hide his flinch, but Desmond laughed, his hand patting the air above Shaun’s shoulder.  
  
“Desmond,” Bill said halfheartedly, not even looking up from his screen. “Don’t antagonize Shaun.”  
  
Shaun turned to face his screen again, pointedly ignoring Desmond. He saw the bartender-turned-assassin-turned-freaky-alien-computer-virus shrug and walk over to talk to Rebecca. Not that he really walked. Or Shaun didn’t think he did. Honestly, he tried not to think about it, because having a friend die and turn into a computer virus was confusing enough in the first place.  
  
He shrugged off that line of thought, returning to his dissection of the paper. It had been flagged by another tech member of the Brotherhood concerning another Piece of Eden. So far Shaun had found nothing, but he was only half way through the document. If someone hadn’t flooded his desktop with perverted images, he might have finished perusing it last night. As it was, last night had been spent taking care of issues that had arisen because of the pictures.  
  
“Shaun, glaring at that screen isn’t going to help you,” Desmond said. “Besides, the article’s a piece of junk.”  
  
“And how, pray tell, would you know that?” he asked, facing the man. Hologram. Computer virus. Whatever.  
  
Desmond tapped his temple. “Cross-referenced it with a couple other articles that dealt with the same sort of thing. Actually,” Desmond said a faraway look in his eyes for a moment, “I think they plagiarized most of it from a couple other articles.”  
  
“Go ahead and make me irrelevant, then,” Shaun said, crossing his arms.  
  
“Shaun’s still mad about last night,” Rebecca said, stopping their brewing argument. “Otherwise he’d thank you for saving him from wasting time.”  
  
“Yes, thank the man who flooded my screen with porn,” Shaun said dryly. “Not to mention that I had to sweep for any bugs that might have gotten into the system.”  
  
“I updated your antivirus, by the way,” Desmond said, looking at a piece of the Animus. “Did you know you had three worms sitting in your hard drive?”  
  
Rebecca rolled her eyes when she saw Shaun’s shoulders tense. “If you aren’t doing anything, could you come over here and help us? Desmond needs someone to hold things for him.”  
  
“You would think they would have made themselves slightly tangible,” Desmond complained as Shaun came over and picked up the piece that he was interested in. Desmond nodded his thanks, and motioned for him to turn it over. “It would have made things a lot easier.”  
  
“Yes, and then Juno could have strangled us all in our sleep,” Shaun muttered. “What is the bint up to anyway?”  
  
Desmond chuckled as he peered at one of the exposed circuit boards. “I think she’s finally learned how to work the internet.”  
  
“Isn’t that a bit dangerous?” Bill asked from his station.  
  
“You’d be surprised,” Desmond said. “She’s using Juno. I think she thinks it was made for her.”  
  
“You’re telling me that she’s using dial-up?” Shaun asked, setting the piece down.  
  
“Well, she might have been told that it’s what everyone uses,” Desmond said. He scowled at Shaun, who shrugged apologetically and picked the piece back up. “And I may have implied that using a virus blocker wasn’t in her best interests.”  
  
“You’ve have to be kidding me,” Rebecca said. She set down her screwdriver and moved to face Desmond. “You’re infecting her with virtual herpes?”  
  
“Well, that’s a better way to put it, I suppose,” Desmond replied. Rebecca squealed and threw her arms around Desmond. Or rather, a few centimeters around Desmond. Desmond returned the hug, a grin tugging at his face.  
  
“Aren’t you worried what she might do if she finds out what you’ve done?” Shaun asked.  
  
“Well, not really,” Desmond said with a smirk. “I think I have the upper hand anyway.”  
  
“At least for now,” Shaun agreed. He looked at the piece he held. “How goes the adaptations anyway?”  
  
“Pretty good so far,” Rebecca said. “The only thing we’re really missing is some way for us to monitor Desmond in the Animus.” She looked at Desmond apologetically. “Can’t really stick an EEG to his head anymore.”  
  
“Yeah,” Desmond said. “And we don’t know if the Bleeding Effect will still affect me either.”  
  
“Yes, well, if you feel an urge to start singing Daisy Bell please go after Juno first, all right?” Shaun asked. “It’ll give me time to find a hermitage.”  
  
“Desmond should be fine,” Bill said, coming and standing by them. “We also have to worry about the electricity draw from the Animus. The Farm needs to remain under the Templar radar.”  
  
“I can do that,” Desmond said. “No problem. I’ll just spoof their sights, and we should be clear. Just give me few-,”  
  
Desmond blinked out of existence, a small expression of shock on his face. The underground bunker lost power for a moment, before everything came back on, a new person standing where Desmond had been.  
  
 **“The aberration is gone,”**  she said, a small smirk on her lips. Shaun felt the pit of his stomach drop out. Judging from the expressions around him, he wasn’t alone. Juno looked at them, and her grin grew wider.  **“I remember you from the Temple. The ones who thought to stop me.”**  
  
“Yeah, they did,” Desmond said, reappearing behind her. She turned around, her forehead furrowing in a scowl.  
  
 **“You should not be here,”**  Juno hissed.  **“I deleted you.”**  
  
“You missed me,” Desmond said. “Say bye to the nice Assassins, Juno.”  
  
 **“What?”**  She asked, before she disappeared. Desmond sighed, his shoulders slumping as if he had expounded a tremendous amount of energy.  
  
“Are you all right?” Bill asked, going to his son.  
  
“Fine, Dad,” Desmond said. “Just need to catch my breath. I misjudged her a bit.”  
  
“We thought you were gone,” Rebecca said. The tremor in her voice appeared to surprise Desmond.  
  
“I’m fine,” Desmond reassured them. “She seems to have discovered high-speed internet, though.”  
  
“And that’s bad, correct?” Shaun asked. “Evil plans starting in full, I presume?”  
  
“She can try,” Desmond said. “Virtual herpes, remember? Nothing with a good firewall is going to let her in. Besides, it took her a month to learn about the internet. I figure we’ll be ahead of her for a while.”  
  
“Famous last words,” Shaun muttered under his breath.  
  
“We need to find a way to stop her,” Bill agreed. “We don’t have much time.”  
  
“Well, we’ve worked well under pressure before,” Desmond said. “Three months to save the world, remember? I bet we have twice that.”  
  
“All the better for stomping that bitch into the ground,” Rebecca said.  
Shaun rolled his eyes, and went back to his station, intent on making sure that none of his files had gone missing in the disruption.  
  
“So, I was thinking of introducing her to cats,” he heard Desmond say. “Maybe if she sees them she’ll think twice about destroying our civilization.”  
  
“Or she’ll just think cats are cute,” Shaun replied. “But if I may make a suggestion?”  
  
“Sure,” Desmond said, appearing next to him. Shaun smirked, pulling up a video.  
  
“Twenty-four hours is the longest I’ve seen,” he said over the incessant meowing. “But I’m sure that you can find a way around that.”  
  
Desmond grinned, and disappeared. Shaun shut off the video, already anticipating what Desmond would report.


End file.
